Time goes back

The more time I spend in Praha the more I think of my family.My stay here is strengthening my connection to my family and myself . I realize how I resemble different family member and it makes me happy. Its different thinking about them compared to when Im home, distance gives me a new perspective . Like for instance I keep having random thought when Im doing something that it is in such a manner that my grandmother would do. Ofcourse I was conscious of this before but now I really appreciate it . Its like they are here and I think what would mom say about his goulash mess in the kitchen, quick wipe it of the stove before it becomes increasingly hard to rub off. Or I left my makeup on the kitchen counter, Mom would chime in thats not a place for this stuff! But thats just surface stuff. I like to think how my granpa would react in certain experiences I have . I realize that all these years i dismissed my family as dysfunctional. It is infact ,this dysfunction that I can love them so much. I guess to really understand one must know my family history.
I though of dedushka when we were watching a screening of Jan Weiner's"Fighter". Jan Weiner is 87 years old and is a famous man. A local Czech legend as well, may a bookstore carries his book "Muj zivot" -my life. And frankly im honored to have his class 20th century history. First of all let me say that Jan Weiner has an amazing story, witnessed his father commit suicide as war began. Accused of being a British spy during the war , after he was a flyer for the Royal Army. As a result served 5 years in a hard labor camp working in the steel mills where he lost most his ability to hear. After the war his mother and sister had perished in Nazi concentration camps. Not to mention all the anti-semitism through out the years. In a scene from his life story He went to ask for clothes and asked for 4 pairs of shoes, the attendant replied , "Dirty Jew you wont even wear out one pair by the time they are through with you!"

The scene that reminded me of grandpa was one of levity, Jan and his friend are taking vodka shots. Ofcourse Jan's friend had his shirt off. I immediatley imagined Dedushka in the backyard on Brighton 11thst, he always hung out in just shorts or boxers. And when Slavic men drink, it means businesss! Shirts must come off! to prepare for the impending rise in body temperature and just to feel natural, free, masculine and happy! Na Zdarovye! To health! My grandma would always bring out watermelon in the summer , i celebrated my 7th-10th birthdays there probably pizza partys in the shabby little backyard a mere 20 feet from the train line. This is where he taught me how to play Dominos, Durak- a card game, grandma would give me old toys to play with little plastic green army men and little cars, i think these were Dima's old toys. I think of Dedushka so really he is still sooo alive! And my love for him perhaps even stronger. Now when I think of him I feel good instead of coming to tears. At home they are choosing a gravestone for him. I want the grave to have a noble etching of his portait when he was in his 30s-40s. I realize he died young , 77, Jan Weiner is 87! Still walks with no assistance, save that of a cane, is married to a 67 year old teaches history and his biogrpahy to a over 75 college students and has film students recreating a scene when midway through a game of chess his father tells 17 year old Jan that he has decide to commit suicide. Some of us are meant for more epic lives, the simple ones at times persist to be among the most commendable. Its hard to gather my thoughts, they seem to always be on shuffle a playlist is hard to make in my head. Mercurial thoughts but good ones.