what is going on?

SO i stumbled upon pictures of my friends graduation... radio city music hall, Chuck Schumer giving the trite inspirational speech recycled from past events, "You are the future, yadda yadda."

then

nausea hit...

like for real

the split pea soup in my tummy wanted out.

What are we all graduating from?

I graduate this May....

COLLEGE is over?

now what???

fuck it , im not even attending the commencement, I would rather stay in Europe longer, but I must go home to start working and paying off debt...

i dont know and its starting to drive me into a chronic frenzy.
i think i almost had a panic attack today.

so i looked up graduate on m-w, here is what it means

Main Entry:
3grad·u·ate
Pronunciation:
\ˈgra-jə-ˌwāt\
Function:
verb
Inflected Form(s):
grad·u·at·ed; grad·u·at·ing
Etymology:
Middle English, from Medieval Latin graduatus, past participle of graduare, from Latin gradus step, degree
Date:
15th century
transitive verb
1 a: to grant an academic degree or diploma to b: to be graduated from
2 a: to mark with degrees of measurement b: to divide into grades or intervals
3: to admit to a particular standing or grade
intransitive verb
1: to receive an academic degree or diploma
2: to pass from one stage of experience, proficiency, or prestige to a usually higher one
3: to change gradually
— grad·u·a·tor \-ˌwā-tər\ noun


" to pass from one stage of experience to a higher one"

I beg to differ, all I know during this past year is that traveling and living, the more I thought about it the more I realized how lost i am. The more I travelled the more confused I have gotten. More confused about the kind of life I want, or dont want.

The more I see, the less I know.

"we choose what we are, were condemned to be free. We can't escape choice, thats the anguish of existence."

- Sartre