&being¬hing&

and if my thought dreams could be seen...

M. Laporte says that an abstraction is made when something not capable of existing in isolation is thought of as in an isolated state. The concrete by contrast is a totality which can exist by itself alone. Husserl is of the same opinion; for him red is an abstraction because color can not exist without form. On the other hand, a spatial-temporal thing, with all its determinations, is an example of the concrete. From this point of view, consciousness is an abstraction since it conceals within itself an ontological source in the region of the in-itself, and conversely the phenomenon is likewise an abstraction since it must "appear" to consciousness. The concrete can be only the synthetic totality of which consciousness like the phenomenon, constitutes only moments. The concrete is man within the world in that specific union of man with the world which Heidegger , for example, calls "being-in-the world"

what is going on?

SO i stumbled upon pictures of my friends graduation... radio city music hall, Chuck Schumer giving the trite inspirational speech recycled from past events, "You are the future, yadda yadda."

then

nausea hit...

like for real

the split pea soup in my tummy wanted out.

What are we all graduating from?

I graduate this May....

COLLEGE is over?

now what???

fuck it , im not even attending the commencement, I would rather stay in Europe longer, but I must go home to start working and paying off debt...

i dont know and its starting to drive me into a chronic frenzy.
i think i almost had a panic attack today.

so i looked up graduate on m-w, here is what it means

Main Entry:
3grad·u·ate
Pronunciation:
\ˈgra-jə-ˌwāt\
Function:
verb
Inflected Form(s):
grad·u·at·ed; grad·u·at·ing
Etymology:
Middle English, from Medieval Latin graduatus, past participle of graduare, from Latin gradus step, degree
Date:
15th century
transitive verb
1 a: to grant an academic degree or diploma to b: to be graduated from
2 a: to mark with degrees of measurement b: to divide into grades or intervals
3: to admit to a particular standing or grade
intransitive verb
1: to receive an academic degree or diploma
2: to pass from one stage of experience, proficiency, or prestige to a usually higher one
3: to change gradually
— grad·u·a·tor \-ˌwā-tər\ noun


" to pass from one stage of experience to a higher one"

I beg to differ, all I know during this past year is that traveling and living, the more I thought about it the more I realized how lost i am. The more I travelled the more confused I have gotten. More confused about the kind of life I want, or dont want.

The more I see, the less I know.

"we choose what we are, were condemned to be free. We can't escape choice, thats the anguish of existence."

- Sartre

confettiConfetticonfetti

Slovenia was amazing, i felt free and free and freeeee.

Connecting with the right people is the best thing.

Then you can connect with/in yourself.

SO we connected but I went a little crazy in my mind.

.... maybe it was those cookies*...

and so i wrote:

I know its there.
I just have to jump in, its about wavelengths
So this will be like an analogue, a theorem or observation of anthropological importance.

I think people who try to understand themselves go crazy.
Sanity exists in ignorance.

Yet, going insane is a rebirth because one can deconstruct long engraved perceptions that society has ascribed.
Unfettered from the former dimension, you can create your own. You are only happy when looking through the lens you have made for yourself. Set your own aperture, think at your own shutter speed. And so we work toward this, we live to the next day to try to understand ourselves, the surroundings and interactions. Its always a question of why. Its the slash in the canvas I saw at TATE MODERN.

INSPIRATION > INFORMATION

WHY > WHAT

DIMENSIONAL > FLAT

its not where you think it is.

" Create your own eyes by closing them" ( andre breton/ Paul eluard)

exPlode

Dream Deferred

What happens to a dream deferred?
Does it dry up
Like a raisin in the sun?
Or fester like a sore--
And then run?
Does it stink like rotten meat?
Or crust and sugar over--
like a syrupy sweet?
Maybe it just sags
like a heavy load.
Or does it explode?

- Langston Hughes



death and fame is the game
Macbook,
cock block
i am, i pod, i mac
macaroni and cheese
hind sight
short sight
near sight
vintage retro/retrospect
speculate propogate
engender!
the sun

hybrid, torpedo waves, military commisisons act,
hold em in suspension suspension of habeas corpus

bbc, cnn, nyt
and then again
what we see, what we learn
it wont make a difference in the end
spoken word, darfur, a fund raiser
raised blunder
a raisin in the sun,

chaste slumber

bumble bumble
stop all this mumbo jumbo

a klutz shlepping iraqi bodies,
iraqi improvemt not getting enough ink

NAFTA NAFTA what comes after?
NAMBLA NAMBLA
What is left to descrambl(a)?
desire desire desire
lorna simpsons is desire , gordon matta clark is
detached desire

loan sharks, lost souls in concord
shoot out a think tank
in this cosmic picasso cactus

oh, cosmic cactus
wrinkled oath
oblique ode

a porous kiss
from this celestial town
will bring down the
CONFETTI
confetti

con F e tti


( i can't wait to see it fall)